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Non-marital sex vs. living together - Printable Version

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Non-marital sex vs. living together - AZNoahide - 01-05-2009

I have a question. Is it forbidden for a Noahide to have pre-marital sex?


RE: Pre-marital sex - Director Michael - 01-11-2009

The relevant verse in the Torah states (Genesis 2:24):

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

This means that the "clinging" by a man which the verse refers to (which is sexual intercourse) should be with "his wife." In the Torah context for Gentiles, "his wife" means a woman who dedicates herself to establish her home with the man (whether or not he resides in this home of his full-time), for the purpose of a publicly known marriage relationship between them (whether or not there are any secular legal documents filed).


RE: Pre-marital sex - JohnyPicasso - 03-08-2009

Director Michael Wrote:The relevant verse in the Torah states (Genesis 2:24):

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

This means that the "clinging" by a man which the verse refers to (which is sexual intercourse) should be with "his wife." In the Torah context for Gentiles, "his wife" means a woman who dedicates herself to establish her home with the man (whether or not he resides in this home of his full-time), for the purpose of a publicly known marriage relationship between them (whether or not there are any secular legal documents filed).

By reading the above information, it would appear that a monogamous relationship is then permitted even if there is no formal marriage?


RE: Pre-marital sex - Director Michael - 03-14-2009

There needs to be a marriage *at least* by the Torah's minimum standards for Gentiles. This means that it is publicly known that the couple is living together in the manner of husband and wife.

Certification of the marriage within the secular system is recommended, since this system provides
(1) extra protection against the possibility of a couple entering a marriage-type relationship and one party not being aware that the other party is already married;
(2) secular legal protection for the secular legal rights of both parties, and especially for the woman.

It is also a righteous practice, and it adds to the level of the marriage bond, if the couple strengthens their marriage relationship with a written marriage contract that satisfies the  standards of the secular legal system for binding contracts. We have posted an *example* of a recommended Noahide wedding contract on our web page

https://asknoah.org/noahide_marriage


RE: Pre-marital sex - Director Michael - 12-30-2009

The advice is for a young person not to get involved at all with intimate relations until both of the partners are ready and willing to actually get married (see post #4 above). One of the most helpful things that parents can do to help their children through this particular challenge of adolescence (starting at the latest from the age of puberty) is to send their sons to an all-boys school, and their daughters to an all-girls school. Schools should not offer mixed-gender social events (dances, proms, etc.), because that is just like throwing gasoline on a fire. Parents also need to set boundaries for their children's social lives. A wise policy is not to go on unchaperoned dates until the young man and young woman have gotten well acquainted without intimacy, and they are seriously considering if they want (and are ready and able) to get married.


RE: Pre-marital sex - Director Michael - 01-20-2010

It seems that greater availability of these birth control methods leads people to think that they have more freedom for casual/recreational sexual intercourse outside of marriage. This is symptomatic of the prevailing moral breakdown in modern societies. In such an atmosphere, it's certainly important for parents to set limits for their children, and to educate them about the equivalent immorality of non-marital casual/recreational sexual intercourse and prostitution, both of which are destabilizing to society (see Leviticus 19:29).


RE: Pre-marital sex - Daniel2 - 03-23-2010

If a man and woman have a committed partnership, but they are not able to live in the same place at the current time but plan to in the future and would already if it were possible, would this meet the minimum requirement for non-licentiousness? Also, if a couple are engaged to be a legally married couple, it wouldn't be necessary to wait until after they are legally married or after the wedding, is this correct? Would it still be worthwhile to do so?


RE: Pre-marital sex - Director Michael - 03-26-2010

Daniel2 Wrote:If a man and woman have a committed partnership, but they are not able to live in the same place at the current time but plan to in the future and would already if it were possible, would this meet the minimum requirement for non-licentiousness?

The onus would be on the woman, to openly let a number of her local friends know that she is in this committed long-distance relationship, and to not go out on dates or be intimate with any other men. It would be a good thing to go ahead and get legally married, since the couple has the commitment for marriage and they want to be intimate, but they can't yet live together. If the couple wants to postpone their full-scale wedding ceremony with family and friends, that could be done later when they finally have the ability to live together on a permanent basis. In the meantime, they could simply go to a courthouse or a mayor's office to get legally married. The purpose is to make their relationship public knowledge, which otherwise would be lacking due to their geographic separation.

Daniel2 Wrote:Also, if a couple are engaged to be a legally married couple, it wouldn't be necessary to wait until after they are legally married or after the wedding, is this correct? Would it still be worthwhile to do so?

It would be worthwhile to wait until they are moving in together.


RE: Pre-marital sex - thatguy - 08-22-2012

Now, I see the words preferable and should. Is it specifically a sin to engage in pre-marital sex? Would G-d punish such an act?


RE: Pre-marital sex - Director Michael - 08-24-2012

The following answer to this question is from Rabbi Moshe Weiner's book "The Divine Code", Part 6, topic 4:11 -

If [a Gentile man] cohabits with an unmarried [Gentile] woman without [their] intention of marriage, whether or not the matter is known publicly, it does not render her married to him or give her a status of a "me’orasah" [Hebrew term for a betrothed woman], and it is mere licentiousness. Although such relations are not clearly forbidden for Gentiles, it is a repulsive act, even if done in a temporary fashion.[1]
From G-d’s words [Gen. 2:24], “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife, and they shall become one flesh,” it is the natural and appropriate way for a man to marry a woman and establish a family. One who deviates from this path is mistaken, and acts against G-d’s will in His creation of mankind and their character.
Furthermore, those who engage in promiscuous relations commit animalistic actions (and this is even worse than the animals, since an animal has no comprehension to understand any other way, unlike a human, to whom G-d has given a superior intellect), as this is the way of animals – that a male [animal] typically cohabits with any female [animal, of the same species] that appears ready before it. This is why all living creatures were created at the outset [on the 6th day of creation] as females and males, since this is fitting for their nature. In contrast, Adam the first man was created alone, and only after he searched and discovered that he needed a mate did G-d give him the first woman as his partner. This shows us that the correct way for a man is to look for a specific wife, and to build a life-partnership [i.e., a partner in living together] with her, instead of acting as an animal with casual sexual relationships.

[1] Ramban on the verse Gen. 2:24, “and cling to his wife,” implies that this verse excludes clinging in an animalistic way of meeting a woman in the street and engaging in licentious relations with her (whether or not she asks for any payment).
Rabbi Zalman Nehemiah Goldberg comments:
(a) It is explained by Rambam (Sources of Sefer Ha’Mitzvot) that a reason for the verse (Leviticus 19:29), “Do not profane your daughter to prostitute her, so as not to defile the land and fill it with licentiousness,” is that a Jew should not come to unknowingly marry a woman who was conceived by his father [which for Jews would be a forbidden incestuous relationship]. But a Gentile, on the other hand, may marry his paternal half-sister [within the Torah Law for Gentiles], and therefore this reason cannot be even included within one of the other Noahide prohibitions.
(b) It is possible that it is only permitted for Gentiles in a temporary fashion, but not for a woman to practice prostitution on a regular basis [with or without any montary payment; e.g. if the unmarried woman regularly engages in the act for the sake of her physical pleasure, so that she takes her pleasure as her payment from the man, instead of taking any monetary payment].
In response, the author [Rabbi Weiner] cites Tractate Avodah Zara 36b: “Shem’s court prohibited prostitution.” The Talmud loc. cit. says that Shem’s decree was only for a woman who cohabited with an idolater [which is what Judah assumed Tamar had done, and therefore he incorrectly judged her], but [Shem's decree of punishment] did not apply to cohabitation with another observer of the Noahide Commandments [because that would not have the risk of leading the woman to take on the man's idolatry]. (See Tractate Sotah 10a, that before having the relations, Tamar told Judah, “I am a convert,” and Rashi explains there that this means, “I have abandoned idol worship.”)